understanding

I recently watched the movie Brokeback Mountain. I had not had the chance to watch it before. I had listened to all the critical people talk about this movie and say mean things. We do this in life so much. Listen to other people opinions instead of investigating for ourselves. I LOVE this movie. It's not truly about 2 gay men. It's about true love. Unless you have loved someone and been too afraid by what your family would think or what society would think to go out on a limb and truly be with them and then lost them to death, you can't completely appreciate this movie. It is difficult for me to watch. I cry. I met a man when I was 16. I didn't fall for him then. We became friends. He was 19. I know what people think. Oh, just kids, puppy love and maybe if I would have been braver we wouldn't have made it. I don't know. I wasn't brave enough to try.
I married a man when I was 17. He was sweet while we were dating. Not so much after we were married. My husband and the other man had been friends for years. My husband slept around and hurt me. My friend was there for me in dark times and we fell for each other. He wanted me so badly to leave my husband. He knew what my home life was like. He hated what my husband did to me. My husband made me feel disgusting and worthless and my friend told me how beautiful I was. My friend told me if I ever left my husband I would always have a place with him. When I had first met my friend back when I was 16 he had told me of his heart condition. When he was very young the doctors had told him that he wouldn't live to see his 25th birthday. We were young. Nothing can hurt the young right? WRONG!!!! He died of a massive heart attack just before his 25th birthday. I left my husband a few months later. I am remarried. Mostly happily but I still think back to what if. What if I had of been there that night. I could have called the ambulance instead of his wife not wanting to be bothered because she wanted to party. He told her he didn't feel good, he wanted to see a doctor. She told him to go to bed and sleep it off. She told me at his wake that if she had of known that he was going to die she would have had an abortion and not had his baby boy. She gave him away to my friends parents as fast as she could. What if I would have been brave enough to have left my husband despite what my family and friends would have said. Would he still be alive? Would we still be together and happy? I'll never know because I wasn't brave enough!!!!